This Day, Again

I have really tried. It is hard to not show emotions around you kids. Today, you have to forgive your Mama.

You see, it is today. March 6. It has brought me to my knees in tears every day for 13 years. It will continue to. It doesn’t get easier.

You see, 13 years ago, I lost a best friend. Wendy. Tears still come to my eyes to say her name. Cancer, you really suck. And emotions, you do, too.

This morning was one snowball of bad. Oh, snow. We were hit by a snowstorm and school closed. Roads were looking awful. My anxiety spiked. 13 years. Not going to give bad a chance, I worked from home in the morning.

I thought I was okay. I was wrong.

You see, we have let you kids watch The Lion King. Simba’s Dad dies. Arianna, you get this in a way. I mean, sometimes you are creepy and talk to the dead. Anyhow. I blame The Lion King on what took me over the edge and caused me to cry and need a kiddo hug.

Arianna came to tell me bad news. “Mama, I don’t have Shirley anymore. She died.”

Why God, why? Why today? Why now?

She hugged me hard, wiping my tears. “Mama. It is okay she will always be with me. I have E-baugh to keep me strong now.”

Why?!?!

I can’t explain loss, but I sure can explain love. And I am so lucky that this day, you showed me that. It hurt to hear you say that on this day you lost your
best friend…why this day?

So you could show me you are oh so strong. Love you, kids.

image

A photo of me, just cause.

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