Yesterday was my 32nd birthday. I got the greatest gifts when the twins were born a week ago (I’d insert a link to their birth story here, but my posts are limited to mobile this week because all the snuggles all the time).
There was no need for a fancy cake (still have their welcome home cake, a family tradition). There was no need for balloons (there’s a few princess balloons floating around from Grammie’s traditional gift). There was no need for flowers (Grandma filled our home with greenhouse goods last week). There was no need for gifts (have you seen the girls yet?!?! …if not, you need to be following on Instagram and like our Facebook page). There was, however, a need to eat a real dinner that wasn’t leftovers from the week before I had the girls.
We planned to eat dinner, grab some newborn onesies (how I forgot Arianna was in nb for a week and Evan never touched that size, I don’t know), and get frozen yogurt from Sweet Frog. As usual, Greg wasn’t ready to eat, so we did the mall first.
While at Children’s Place, Arianna asked for everything in sight. 3T PJ’s? A must-have. 4T boys t shirts? Toss them in the bag. I let her and Evan each pick out a pair of sunglasses, but then remembered she did need a new swimsuit. After picking out her swimsuit, she went to the sunglasses and of course, if you give a girl sunglasses, she needs a case to put them in and of course that case has to snap shut on her fingers and cause the spin off of what became the start of how I spent my birthday night crying in front of Sweet Frog.
A few more things happened before we left the mall that made me have to take a parent time out from my kid. I told her she lost her toppings at Sweet Frog and then Greg took her to help get the truck and give me time to breathe. The second I got to the truck, something (I don’t even know what) set me off and I wanted to go home.
Since we had promised (don’t promise your kids anything cause they remember your exact words), Greg took them to Sweet Frog. I nursed in the car and cried and cried and cried as I watched my kids enjoy my birthday without me. But Arianna acting up and me having a momtrum is not the real reason I was crying like I was…
I was crying because life is too short and Sweet Frog and my birthday reminded me of that. I was crying because we came to Sweet Frog with cousins to celebrate three new great-grand babies coming to my Grandma’s family (just after we lost Grandma) and one of them is now a precious angel. I was crying because I heard Arianna’s heart beat for the first time 7 years ago on my birthday and I was facing being a single mom (who knew then that the incredible man giving up his pound+ of froyo to stand strong with my punishment would step up to be her father and the love of my life). I was crying because Wendy and none of my grandparents got to meet the girls. I was crying because as tough as this parenting thing is and as much as it sucks to give up something on “my day”, what sucks more is how fast time with our children really goes.
Thankfully, my ways of coping with angry tears and emotions are writing about them, praying, and having a super supportive husband who asks me to try to start again. We had dinner then Greg and I got our Sweet Frog. And I still got a bedtime hug from the best big sister in the world, my not so little girl who is in this with me…and not against me.