That Cuddle Took Everything


On Sunday I fought my son for a nap cuddle. He defaults to Greg and it breaks my heart. I know my son loves me, but sometimes it is hard to swallow when he’s been with my parents and refuses to greet me with even a hi let alone a hug. It breaks my heart when he won’t let me tuck him in for a nap or soothe his tears with a hug. Or when I am going away overnight and he refuses to kiss me goodnight. So, I fought a toddler to sleep in my arms. I got what I wanted, but it wasn’t easy. Some would say I should have passed him to my mom or Greg, just gave in…but I wanted that love. We cuddled, tickled, played along with Ari’s diner play, and finally got to a comfy sleep. For 30 minutes, my world was peaceful and amazing, all because I had a head of sweaty curls tucked in my elbow, legs across my lap, and a hand on my neck. My ‘lil boy made me feel so loved. Selfish, I know, but neither of my kids are Mama’s kids…this means Greg handles 97% of the kid stuff which can’t be easy. It makes me feel like a bad mom, like I am not loving enough to be loved back. Sometimes I want to scream would it hurt to just give me a high five, kids?…but I hold back. Some day, I will be cool again, like I was those 6 and 8 weeks of maternity leave…right?

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