My body is miles above Earth en route to Chicago, but my heart is off with a ‘lil boy who is probably playing the Kindle and not even thinking about his mama. Separation Anxiety is brutal for balancing mamas.
The day began bright and early when I woke to work. I was alone for all but the last 45 minutes, the rest of the house silent. It kept me busy, not thinking about the fact that I would soon be going away from my kids and husband, but as soon as ‘lil Man woke up, all bets were off. My heart got heavy, and I started wondering if I was doing the right thing.
Now, before you get all, “moms deserve time away, I would welcome a break from my kids”, I must explain that I really don’t spend that much time with them, and even when I do, it is not crazy engaged. Last night and for a few precious moments this morning, both of the kids clung to my side. It really makes balancing, Leaning In, and trying to grow personally and perhaps professionally without feeling a ‘lil bit of Mom guilt.
The time to leave came, and the meltdown began. Evan lost his mind over not having his shoes on to go potty. It took me ten precious moments to find those shoes, and every second of them was filled with his tears and screams. Luckily, upon finding the shoes, he went potty and all was well…until we went to the truck. That’s when he demanded I carry him down the stairs and put him in his seat. Or may e it got worse when I kissed him good bye and he asked, “Mommy, will you come back?”.
Talk about heart break. Sometimes I wonder if I leave too much, am too focused on work and writing. But then I think about the things my ‘ill family has done because of my job and my writing. Soon enough, I will be back with my ‘lil guy and he will forget I was even gone. Now to get through the next three days without me missing him too much, because we all know he’s already moved on and back to being Daddy’s Boy.
For the record, Arianna is cool with the trip. She understands I work for money to “do stuff and buy shoes” and that I “write stuff on the ‘puter”. All she cared about was if I would bring her back a pink present. Hmmpfh.