Romans 8:32 reads:
He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
This verse has been on my mind for seven days now. The pastor at a church we’ve been trying out used it as part of his sermon on how the church gave 2014 as they looked toward what 2015 would bring. It really struck a chord with me because I feel like giving has been a big part of my life, but I struggle with the second half – having faith that God will provide the things we need in return.
I paced back and forth as I watched my uncle, aunt, cousin, brother, dad, best friend, and husband load our whole life from my parents’ garage into a 26 foot truck. There was nothing I really could do but watch, but it bothered me. It bothered me that four (or six) people really need all that crap and that I’d held it on for so long. (When it was just me and Arianna, it took a 24′ truck + a Silverado + a Durango all packed to the gills to get us moved from South Carolina to Pennsylvania.) It (the stuff) just seems so unnecessary, yet I look all around our home and see why we needed 95% of the stuff that was on that truck. Yet I worried.
I worried because I didn’t want the roads to get icy and the truck be in an accident, causing people I loved to be hurt. I worried because I wasn’t sure that we’d ever get it all unpacked in a day (not only did we, but we were able to set up a good deal of the furniture that day and have the boxes put away six days later). I worried because it was my stuff (in theory) and I wasn’t doing any lifting. I worried that we had made the right decision with this house, 35 minutes from my work and requiring Greg to go back to work in order to afford it plus two new mouths to feed. I worried because I worry.
But you know what? God provided. He gave us a house with a bedroom for every single one of our kids + a space for relaxing + a space to watch the kids in the yard where I don’t get bit by bugs + a garage to keep the snow off our cars + a home office for me. He gave us a house that needed no painting, no flooring, no major fixes (save the disposal and dishwasher which have had me in a tizzy the past two weeks). He gave us a house that will have years of love and laughter flowing through it. He gave us a house in His time according to his plan, even after ours had sold. I didn’t need to worry.
It’s hard to see that when we give it helps pave the way for our futures – especially when giving stretches the limits. It’s hard to give when we live in a selfish “me me me” world. It’s hard to give when you think that the people around you aren’t really hurting. It’s hard to give when all you can give is a kind word and a hug but you know someone needs far more than that.
This year, as I am trying to see all of God’s blessings and become overwhelmed by them, I’m going to also try to give and trust more. Worry less. Have faith. Give not because I want to be blessed but because it’s right. And I’m hoping to surround myself with more people like that to inspire me and to push me forward, to help me be the me I am supposed to be.